I can’t unlove the person I hoped you were or the smile I fell in love with and watched slowly disappear

I can’t unlove the way that at one point your arms were my safety but in the end they were where I felt most unsafe

I can’t unlove the man I fell so deeply in love with even though he turned into the the man I feared most

I can’t unlove the sound of your voice, a sound that used to pull me from the dark but in the end placed me in the darkest places I’ve ever been

I can’t unlove the kind, sweet, thoughtful loving man I had envisioned you being for us even when I knew it was only an illusion I created to get through the pain

I can’t unlove that tiny bit of good even when everything that followed was bad or worse but

I can choose to love my kids more, to love me more

I can choose to feel hurt by it but not let it stay

I will love myself through every storm

I will take a step forward, a step further from you

I can use everyday to unlearn the girl you made me into:

broken, lost, fragile, and full of so much fear

I can choose to unlearn all the damage you’ve caused, correct the changes you’ve made in me

All of the bad you gave us for five years

I can’t unlove you but I am finally finding my light again

In every single day, the light you so carelessly drained from me, slowly comes back

I will never understand why I still continued to love you even when I wanted nothing more than to unlove you

I can’t unlove you but slowly I will learn to let go of the hurt and fill that space with even more love for my babies and myself

I will learn to be the best version of myself each and everyday

We are worth fighting for and we deserve to be happy

I can’t unlove you but I did choose to walk away and I do choose to heal